“To B or not to B.”

I will always believe that a person cannot give to another what they themselves do not have.  True yet this does not really help the child.  Young children look to parents and adults for everything.  That look starts at the completion of the labor and delivery period when the nurse or doctor places them on the mother’s chest and father’s arms.  The look is of pleasantry and innocence.  If the child had a voice beyond crying it would be, ” I am here, now what”.  Children trust us to know what is best far beyond birth.  They count on us to know what environment to be in such as smoke free, violence free and proper nutrition.

Though I agree in showing the child who we really are it is important to know thy selves first.  At least it is wonderful concept.  The problem is that we get to know the child before we know ourselves.  We later find that after sometime we know less and less about the child and ourselves.  Children are born needy and selfish.  We know they are needy at first glance based on the list of baby needs provided by the nurse at the hospital prior to our release.  We learn the child is selfish when the sleepless nights continue for us and them.  They cry, we feed, they cry we change their position and or their diaper and the list goes on.

Babies continue to communicate and we must learn how to translate in order to supply their every need.  Children may not come with instruction but they come with a list to get them started. The list consists of types of formula, wipes, dropper, books appointments and much more.  So if authenticity is what you say I should display; tell me what that is and I will try to accommodate you.

It is important to know what you do not know. I know crazy right?  Know that there are no perfect parents.  Yes, Yes I said it and repeated it.  My truth is children teach us what they need and how to communicate with them from the basics of formula type; if they throw it up constantly well, don’t try that one again or if they cry in the dark find out why.  They are always the best teachers of what they need.   Older children tell us when the time has come for them to date, cook and drive.  We become monitors of their behavior and maturity and direct them from there.  Keep in mind that no two children are alike and develop at their unique pace.

I have learned the importance of owning my imperfections early with children.  With older children they will call you on it anyway. They watch us as well as we watch them.  They can trust in us what they see if we first own our behavior, make adjustments and set measures in place to hopefully not repeat poor performance.  We are human beings so we must give ourselves a break.  Take a parent break.

It is crucial to know that when a child makes a shift we ourselves must shift.  As the child grow we are challenged to do the same.  If not we will not be able to communicate effectively with the child on their level.  If they think we are out of step with them then who leads the dance may be the less skilled and we do not want that person to be us.  There will become a time in our lives when we will parent differently based on the needs of the child.  The parent or caregiver and the child are always “becoming”.


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