Voice from a Villager

I have been blessed with over 13 grandchildren from my only son.  I use to ask the Lord; why would you allow this to be?  The Lord in me would reply; why not in terms of a statement and not in that of a question.  He doesn’t have to answer any thing and respond to any one.  So I have spent the last 18 plus years asking and answering myself on the issue.

They all came so quickly until my heart could not catch-up.  Before I could wrap my head around the first grand-daughter there was another and another and now past 13 grandchildren.  I resign to the fact that they came in time in my living years so I could have time to love them and see them before I die.  Whatever the divine reason; I have not met them all and do not know their names.  I only know a few.  The reasons are many yet a matter of fact.

When one is in the position of a villager the choice to be or not to be has to be decided critically.  Once a decision is made things can get out of control very quickly.  You can find yourself way over your head with the responsibility that can last a life time.   What I am referring to is the villager that just happens to be family.  The position is different from being a neighbor, coworker or associate.  Each of those have choices and relationships that can be temporary.  Though their role is important; they can bow out at anytime and consider their loss as minimal.  These relationships are generally derived by residence, job, church, hobbies or a number of affiliations.  Family can make the same choice to leave however the ties are in blood.

Family ties can make it so complicated when you are asked to fulfill a role in which you feel ill-equipped.  At times I feel so lost in my own life and constantly asked to live someone else’s.  I try to help whenever and however I can but most days I would just rather be alone.  My most deepest secret from those around me is that I would rather be totally alone.  I did not know how much I enjoyed the silence until I had it.  It just did not last long enough.

My recent role in the villager is that of a full-time mom in a grandmother’s state of mind and being.  I love being grandma.  That is what my grandson calls me.  He calls me “grandma” all day and night.  We live together with my husband of almost 2 years.  Though he was living with me when he was born; he and his mom; he is somewhat a stranger to me now.  He lived with me and his grandfather; my first husband for the better part of a couple of years and then once his mom moved out; he and his mom would periodically live with me.

I love them both.  I like being a mother to her, not him but now with him living with me full-time at least for now, I am playing the role of his mom.  He has so much to learn and it is a challenge for his young mind.  I have a practical ordered home. We have established house rules.  He has to learn them all as they pertain to his well-being.  As I teach him,  I am learning from him.  We both require patience and understanding.  I was not prepared for this part of my life in my mid-fifties but here I am.

Every villager has a story and I can only share with you what I know for sure.  I have much more to learn.

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