I believe for most of my life I wanted someone to take a chance on me. I feel like my father had a chance and found me unworthy to chance. Sure, I could have assumed another thought but when you are a young child you deal in tangibles. I could not see my father therefore if he were alive and he was. He did not want to see me. He continued his life after he and my mom split. Over the years I heard of him marrying at least twice and having numerous children and later being blessed with grandsons and granddaughters.
I am not hating but I sure would have like him to met my two children. I would have like for them to meet their grandfather and establish a loving relationship. Looking now, that would have been wishful thinking when he did not have a loving relationship or a relationship of any kind with me. He would have to have skipped a generation. I remember as my daughter grew older she would ask about him. I promised her a couple of times to visit him at my grandmother’s house. I never knew where he lived. I did not have a telephone number and the only time I would see him is if I happened to visit my grandmother. My father’s mother appeared very sweet. I did not know her well but she and I had a good relationship.
There was a past that my mother held so close until she kept us not only away from our fathers; she prevented us from any dealing at all with cousins, nieces, aunts or any relatives. She often told us to “let the past stay buried”. So we did. We grew up not missing family and later this would harm us with each other. I believe when family keep family from family there will a missing piece to a puzzle that will not fit with any random substitutes.
To me family is the one constant in the world. Yes, we meet friends and associates but family is the mainstay through all kinds of weather. Family members disagree, may fight, shout and fuss but at the end of the day our name stays “family”. Family can help define us and give us a sense of belonging in a world of confusion and false sense of self. To prevent a child from knowing themselves in parts is a disservice to them. Every family member has a part or fraction of a part inside every other family member whether noticed or not. It can be in a facial expression, posture, gestures, looks, size and much more. There are some family traits that are subtle while other traits or likenesses are more obvious. Children very well could discover who they are through interaction with family. The bonus could be plain old “family pride.”
Do you think a relationship with family matters to a child’s growth and development?