Imagine

I awake this morning in panic.  There may be answers and inquiries all around me.  Why am I in this position and If I don’t like it, what am I willing to do to change it?  Why me? If not me, then who would I recommend?  Sometimes I experience chest pains, stomach discomfort and anxiety.  I rarely experience rest when I sleep.  I am alive during exciting and confusing times.  I just can’t lose my head.  Often, I worry about how I will thrive while other times my faith is not stirred.  You cannot have both worry and faith in the same breath.

This morning as I lied in bed I counted down using Mel’s method 54321, I sat on the side of the bed and thought to myself that I must be sitting on the side of my life.  Recently, I was “released” from my job.  I find the term “released” interesting because all that takes place in one’s life when that happens can become an opportunity.  I have been unemployed now for 5 weeks.

Every single day even on Sundays I would go online with my updated resume, 2 undergraduate degrees and 1 master’s degree with fingers crossed and head bowed.  I did not panic until today.  A couple of days after the event, I called a former company leader to share of my situation.  I did not do a woe, is me or blame game, finger- pointing or anything of the sort.  He displayed empathy and compassion and asked what happened.  I remember responding with two sentences that I think are quotes that I wish they originated with me.  I said to him that “sometimes in a relationship of any kind the destination may or may not be the same, yet a decision is made that excludes you from the journey.”

The other thing I said to him was that my part in this story has come to an abrupt conclusion.   I will take the time invested and experiences that I gained by being in this work relationship and turn the page.  I think when you are young, and things of this nature happen to you your resolve or response may be different from that of your older self.  I think my 25-year old self would have tried to explain details, call a few people and share how the justice of it all and perhaps render excuses.

When this person that I admire so much sat across the table from me and passed a paper of my release to me.  I remember thinking; “I was supposed to learn from her and am I dreaming?” I felt like working with her would provide me the development opportunity that I longed for.  I did learn from her and those around me.  Iyanla was right was right “people have the right to change their mind about you.’ Oh its nice I suppose to receive an explanation from them but remember in each story there is an introduction, body and conclusion.  Now at 55, I did not ask why.

 

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